Doesn't it suck when a song comes out and you can relate to it...and after listening to the song your like this is something that I don't want ppl to think of me. Whatever....I'm walking to the gym & blastin Wale's song "Bad" ft Tiara. I feel like the girl of whom they're singing of is me...
& it sucks that other ppl think of me when they hear that song -____- . My friends posting it to my timeline, or telling me it reminded them of me. Not the whole having sex with random ppl thing but just the whole commitment thing, on how someone can be great in bed but treat the other person bad...ugh!
So not cool.
Not that I do that but I just have commitment issues. I don't want to fall in love, I don't want to ever have another kid, I do have issues and I most likely will treat you bad if we ever dated. Not on purpose or intentionally but It just always seems to happen.. *sigh*
Mohammad says I'm a cold hearted bitch which I do believe I am since everyone that I have talked to in the past agrees. I've just been through so much that it literally changed me. I can't give any guy my all or trust them, they just all seem to be cool at first, later on just wanna fuck, stop hanging out and talking like we used too and only wanna hang out if there is going to be some sexual shit going on lol! Seriously super annoying.
I just want a regular friend that's a guy. That doesn't want anything but to be friends. No sex or trying to get close to me! Seems literally impossible to find. I don't want anything with anyone, I'm not looking to find someone to love or a booty call just a damn friend. Haha
But anyhoos I've reached my destination. Time to work out! (My goal is to have a tiny waist and a juicy ass this summer) lol
Ta-Ta!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
......
I got the abortion done. I was 10wks ...I don't think what I did was right but it was necessary. I feel blank. Guilty. Etc... Just a filter of mixed emotions. I have to confess to my bishop this Sunday which I'm not looking forward too. /:
I really hope god forgives me.. I feel so ashamed, might I add the amount of pain I've been in since the medication wore off! The pain is the worst of the worst..! I cried and cried and cried all day yesterday.. I really wish I would've rested like the DR. Told me too or had someone to take care of me..
I feel like Mohammad is a replica of Thea. Selfish. Only thinking about themselves when a problem comes up..
But in a way I didn't expect him or things to be different.
This is why after 4 years I am still single/ single parent. I can't deal with BS. After everything I've been through I can't fully trust ANYONE. It's a sucky feeling.,,):
Well i just wanted to be brief..
✌❤
I really hope god forgives me.. I feel so ashamed, might I add the amount of pain I've been in since the medication wore off! The pain is the worst of the worst..! I cried and cried and cried all day yesterday.. I really wish I would've rested like the DR. Told me too or had someone to take care of me..
I feel like Mohammad is a replica of Thea. Selfish. Only thinking about themselves when a problem comes up..
But in a way I didn't expect him or things to be different.
This is why after 4 years I am still single/ single parent. I can't deal with BS. After everything I've been through I can't fully trust ANYONE. It's a sucky feeling.,,):
Well i just wanted to be brief..
✌❤
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Hello..
Haven't been feeling well lately, so you won't catch me posting much...not that I ever post daily or anything (lol) ...a quick update: I've been sick and battling these constant headaches for like three months now. So annoying. Also, stupid doctors messed up on my meds so I was given high dosage tablets for radiation/chemo patients that have been battling cancer for a while which is not me! I don't count months as years... So I just stopped taking them! Didn't resolve the problem, just made shit worse /: oh well! might I add that I have been the biggest most coldest heartless person I know. Not something to be proud about I just don't know how to change it.. & I hate it...
Idk, I just feel like hella shit has fallen apart and I want to undo a lot of things but can't, I mean I could but haven't found a way too since the damage has been done. I've been so unhappy with things lately...I'm good one moment but sad the next /: I'm not always there.. It's a struggle. I miss myself, my old self.. Happy, slow, giggly, goofy...weird, etc! The only thing that keeps me up is Oscar & Avery. ❤
I love my boys and to be honest if it weren't for them I would have given up right now. I only strive for a better life I am the only one they have. Growing up with a single parent was hard for my mom.. We didn't have much and often struggled but it was just enough to get us by.. I love my mom for always making it through.. She never disappointed me. Like my super hero 💕
I want to be that and more for my kids. I strive to be like her in the motherly sense minus the 4 kids.. Haha
But anyways it's 6:31 am and I'm on the bus to downtown Seattle for my Abortion appointment.
I don't know how I feel about this.. I don't think it has hit me yet.. I am just here thinking, listening to Ryan Cabrera, writing in my blog...thinking shit just got real. I sounded so black lol jk ✌& ❤!!
Hmm, I don't know if I am actually going to go through with it yet /: I just need to explore every option.
Since I already have two kids this makes my decision easy you would think but no... Still hard! And I'm Mormon so it's even harder to decide...I mean I seriously would opt for giving the baby up for adoption seeing that a lot of LDS couples can't have kids or have hard times getting pregnant. I have an open heart I just hope God doesn't leave me and continues to guide me through this day.. Bc I can't decide without him. I have no one.. My sisters are against me. Mother has no idea, brother suspects....it's just so hard :( my friends are all trying to get pregnant, married or engaged /: while I sit here alone.
I don't mind not having a bf, but sometimes you start to miss doing couple things..ya know 😔
& after that whole Thea thing.. well I never forgave myself so it's hard to let it go & be happy. When it keeps floating in my head.
Man I have the worst morning sickness ever! I don't even know how I'm going to last on the bus.. Hahaha
It's crazy how life is.... (sigh)
I'm almost in Downtown. Wow, quick... My appt isn't until 9 am but rather be early than lost/late. Hmm. Maybe some breakfast will do me good.. Any suggestions? Syke! I gotta get ready to take another bus and then grab food by the clinic.
So until tomorrow..
✌& ❤ peeps! :)
Idk, I just feel like hella shit has fallen apart and I want to undo a lot of things but can't, I mean I could but haven't found a way too since the damage has been done. I've been so unhappy with things lately...I'm good one moment but sad the next /: I'm not always there.. It's a struggle. I miss myself, my old self.. Happy, slow, giggly, goofy...weird, etc! The only thing that keeps me up is Oscar & Avery. ❤
I love my boys and to be honest if it weren't for them I would have given up right now. I only strive for a better life I am the only one they have. Growing up with a single parent was hard for my mom.. We didn't have much and often struggled but it was just enough to get us by.. I love my mom for always making it through.. She never disappointed me. Like my super hero 💕
I want to be that and more for my kids. I strive to be like her in the motherly sense minus the 4 kids.. Haha
But anyways it's 6:31 am and I'm on the bus to downtown Seattle for my Abortion appointment.
I don't know how I feel about this.. I don't think it has hit me yet.. I am just here thinking, listening to Ryan Cabrera, writing in my blog...thinking shit just got real. I sounded so black lol jk ✌& ❤!!
Hmm, I don't know if I am actually going to go through with it yet /: I just need to explore every option.
Since I already have two kids this makes my decision easy you would think but no... Still hard! And I'm Mormon so it's even harder to decide...I mean I seriously would opt for giving the baby up for adoption seeing that a lot of LDS couples can't have kids or have hard times getting pregnant. I have an open heart I just hope God doesn't leave me and continues to guide me through this day.. Bc I can't decide without him. I have no one.. My sisters are against me. Mother has no idea, brother suspects....it's just so hard :( my friends are all trying to get pregnant, married or engaged /: while I sit here alone.
I don't mind not having a bf, but sometimes you start to miss doing couple things..ya know 😔
& after that whole Thea thing.. well I never forgave myself so it's hard to let it go & be happy. When it keeps floating in my head.
Man I have the worst morning sickness ever! I don't even know how I'm going to last on the bus.. Hahaha
It's crazy how life is.... (sigh)
I'm almost in Downtown. Wow, quick... My appt isn't until 9 am but rather be early than lost/late. Hmm. Maybe some breakfast will do me good.. Any suggestions? Syke! I gotta get ready to take another bus and then grab food by the clinic.
So until tomorrow..
✌& ❤ peeps! :)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Dreams really do come true :)
I'm finally putting my knowledge to use and starting to create a webpage for my upcoming restaurant! with much persistence and dedication i knew i'd get here :)
Things are still a little rough but they will get better for me...
I have a lot of things to share but cant right now since im short on time so till next time peeps!
Things are still a little rough but they will get better for me...
I have a lot of things to share but cant right now since im short on time so till next time peeps!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Project time!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhh, I love HGTV :) I have been inspired to remodel my bedroom & closet! I am going to do some serious work since my room is so bland. My walls are white, I didn't finish putting up the siding either (or whatever it's called), I mean major reconstruction ...this is going to take an entire weekend. Yay!!!!!
.....Avery fell asleep on my legs and I just felt like taking a pic of him since I'm stuck in this position. :)
.....Avery fell asleep on my legs and I just felt like taking a pic of him since I'm stuck in this position. :)
Oh la la..
This weekend was fun! Normally when a guy wants to hang out with me they just want to drink & try and get close to me.. Well this weekend was amazing! AMAZING!!
Just chilled, watched the Lakers game with Khinh. Had a few beers, next day chilled at home with the kids, went out for happy hour ! Ate & drank a few, talked... It was amazing!
Simple fun! (:
Just chilled, watched the Lakers game with Khinh. Had a few beers, next day chilled at home with the kids, went out for happy hour ! Ate & drank a few, talked... It was amazing!
Simple fun! (:
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